Monday

My lunch. Perrier and Frozen Raspberries, Salmon salad w/ ff sour cream, dill and red onions, Carrots, cuke and mushrooms with Homemade Hummus (made with ff sour cream, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic)

I am feeling antsy. I have for a while now. Its like I am waiting for something, but there is nothing I am waiting for. I am just fidgety and anxious. I did a lot of work around the house today. Since last year my mommy productivity has been way down. Now I try and celebrate the little things. Today I changed all the kids bed linens and put away 2 clean loads of laundry, then I did 6 loads of laundry. I also swept the dining room and cleaned the table. I still feel like I am sitting in a pile of crap, but I try not to dwell on all that needs to be done.

I got an email from the run clinic I start this week. I get new shoes tomorrow. They will be specificaly fitted for my feet and how I walk. Then Wednesday is the big day. They are starting out with a 3 Km run , no biggie, just a small run. GULP. I tried to run 3Km on tuesday and although I did complete it, I didnt run the whole time, or even half the time. I am starting to get nervous. Suddenly all the "fat girl" feelings come flooding back. Running laps in gym class. Everyone is off and running I am flubbing behind gasping for air. This should be a lot different though. It is for people of all ages and ranges. Hopefully there is an elderly lady I can run behind! But this is why I am doing this, I want to get better, and this is how you get better, you learn and keep on doing it and get better.

That day I also have a 6-week group to help educate me about my mental illness. (Bi-polar) I must admit, I am still kind of new at this. I was only diagnosed in August of last year. I am excited to take a class to learn more about it and then I can manage it as best as I can.

I love bettering myself. It is always a sign that I am doing better in life. When I am depressed I go backwards, no forwards. I am pretty useless. I like long commitment type things, like my 12 week run clinic and my 6 week Bi polar group. Then I know that for the next 3 month I will have to stay accountable and I will only get better. Plus once I put my mind to something I give it my all. Like quitting smoking. I smoked for over 10 years and I quit 4 months ago, I dont flip flop on my decision, I quit and that is all there is to it. Speaking of bettering myself. I am off to my counseling appointment. She helps me a lot, just in getting through everything as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, woman, everything. I must remember to bring a snack so I dont get overly hungry, the appt is at 5 and goes until 6, I could see getting out of that appointment starving and vulnerable wanting a quick fix. Better stick a banana and some almonds in my purse! I will hopefully blow off some steam later on if I have the energy. I think I might need to force myself today.