From Cow to WOW!

Im still fat, but not unhappy

2011-06-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

Yeah I am still around. I lost track of weigh ins and working out. life happened as per usual. Im happy to say though, my weight hasnt skyrocketed. I have been hovering between 220 and 225. I dont know why I lost motivation, I was doing so well. I hurt my back pretty badly after running my 5 k and lost the drive to go on further with my running, then I started eating more junk. I still dont use sugar in my coffee and stick to milk 75% of the time. i eat more pizza and Mcdoubles. I havent had a regular eating schedule for a few weeks. Summer is unscheduled and I usual fly by the seat of my pants.
I wanted to write a note to show that I am still alive well and kicking it. Im still fat, but Im not unhappy.

and I dont think I look half bad! the weight will come off when I am ready. As long as it doesnt go up, im happy.

Fat girl running: 5 k run for mental health

2011-05-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

My Team, TEAM WRAY!

It was cold and wet, but I was excited. I started with a big group. I didnt focus on anyone else. I started at a good pace. I ran further without stopping than ever. But the negative self talk started quickly. I quickly began to doubt my abilities. I was thinking of ways to get out of this, fake an injury, just give up, only do half, I kept bartering with myself to quit. What up with that?! I stayed focus. I was running for mental health. I suffer a mental illness. I thought about my illness and how far I have come. I thought about those I know with mental illnesses. I thought about those who believed in me and sponsored me in this run. I thought about my family and how there are behind me supporting me by, not only walking 2.5 k but by always being behind me through the good and the bad times. I thought about how 9 months ago I was being discharged from the hospital's psychiatric ward and how I am now here and putting myself out there and doing something good for me and for others.

No I am not one of those 3 there, I am the one way back behind them.

Checking my Nike + Time and distant.

Best time thus far! nearly 5K in 36 mins!

I cant believe how much of running for me is mental. and how much is just Believing I can do it. I now know I can do it! I am not going to stop now. I am just going to keep on going, who knows how far I can go, literally!

Monday weigh in

2011-05-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

222 lb

-1 lb since last week

-17 lbs since March 28th

Fat girl running: Week 3

2011-05-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

This week we did the same trail run as the previous week. Which was good because I knew what to expect, but it was a hard trail. 4.65 K return. There was a huge hill portion of the run and I was feeling a bit under the weather. I had a low mood day, due to lack of sleep and feeling mentally exhausted. My 4 yr old and I did 3 k in the morning, me run/walking, him biking and whining. I thought the earlier run would prepare me for the later run, instead it just exhausted me. Before I had even started I was in a bit of a daze. As soon as I started my legs felt heavy and inefficient. This was not going to be a good run I thought. ( I am learning how much of running is mental ) We have about a .5 k run just to get to the trail, that took me around 7 mins. The trial portion felt a lot easier than last, I walked most of the way there, though. I was actually contemplating turning back, more than once. My mind was trying to convince me to go back. I figured, even if I just walked it I would benefit. So i fought my urge to turn around and conqured the trail. I did it a lot easier than last week that is for sure. I ran the majority of the way back through the trail, but I just didnt feel well. So I didnt push myself. I even told the Pacer, Renata, to not feel as though she had to slow down to stay with me, I was going my own pace and I was cool with that.
I ended up running/walking the 4.65 k in 35 mins, last week it was 40 min. So even without trying to beat my previous time last week, I did!
Running has taught me so much, so far. Its a lot like life. It's hard and sometimes you just dont want to go on, but just keep putting one foot infront of another, you will get to the finish line.

I cant tell you how many times I wanted to quit, probably every forward step I took...But I didnt quit, and I felt so good when I got back, even though I was having a shitty day. Today my mood feels better. I am not as bogged down as I was yesterday, my body is sore, but its that good sore from pushing my body and feeling it getting stronger.

I also am learning some information regarding running, like what to wear, nutrition, and more. Which I will share in another post.

I have my 5K run this weekend. I am nervous and excited. Click the link at the top of this blog to see what me and my family are doing.

Fat girl running

2011-05-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

This was for my entire day. Not too shabby!

This was our intervals over rocky hilly terrain.

Walk back to the car on a road

Walking to the end of Rice lake. Hilly rocky terrain

Last night My friend J and I took to Rice lake. (Thats where I got married.) We walked half way around the lake at a good pace, then I talked her into a walking with running at one minute intervals. We ended up walking and running through the trails for 20 mins and 2.75 km. It was hard and we complained, but because we had each other there we kept at it. I wouldnt have gone if she didnt come and she wouldnt have run unless I suggested it. It was a good team, she was willing and able.
I found it a lot more comfortable to run 1 min walk one min rather than run until I over exert myself and spend 5 mins trying to catch my breath. I think for run class tonight I could run 2 walk 1 and not be too far behind. Plus I have my big 5 K run this weekend which I need to "train" for. I will continue with this pace each day/night until Saturday. Hit the link at the top of the blog, we are so close to our goal, our second goal, its pretty crazy, I would never thought I would be doing anything like this ever!

Oh yeah and I bought a new toy! The Nike + sensor. It sticks to my shoe and tracks my distance and pace while running and walking. It tracks it on my Ipod and I get the results there. That is where I got the pics from above. I am such a numbers person, I love knowing how fast I am going, how far and if I can beat that, even better! I cant wait to see how much better I get at it. I recommend this for any walker or runner who wants to keep track of their achievements!

Tonight I have my 3rd running class. I Have a few work outs under my belt for this week so I shouldnt be so strained. But I like the challenge and pushing myself is good. This week I am going to TRY to not each a full dinner before I go. I find it difficult to get comfortable while running and get scared I might throw up. So this week I will just have a small snack and save dinner for after my run!

Monday weigh in

2011-05-02T09:23:00.000-07:00

Monday May 1st 223 lbs. -16 lbs from 5 weeks ago at 239 I dont remember how much I weighed last week but I am down, I think its -3 lbs!

Relapse

2011-04-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I binged, I shouldnt even have bought them, but I did. They were wafer cookies shaped like straws. I thought I would just have 1 or two, BOY was I wrong. I lost count. At one time I actually contemplated eating the entire container. I dont know why really. I was kind of lonely. Kind of sad. But definitely not looking to sabotage myself! I am going for a hike today anyways. I will burn off what damage I did. I just wanted to confess my eating sins though, so people know I am human and still slip up.

Fat girl running: Week 2

2011-04-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

This was my second week of my run class. It was POURING rain when I left to go there. I really didnt want to go. My internal dialogue was trying to tell me to skip it. I knew I had to go, for me. Its just rain, im not going to melt. By the time we started it wasnt even raining any more! Infact, it was nice to run in the misty cool evening, much more enjoyable than too hot!

Today's run was a lot harder than last week. The total KM was 4.6. I started out good keeping non stop running for 2 mins ( made one of my goals!) Then I tried for 5 mins, I made that too! Then I took a walking break, only 48 seconds and noticed I was LAST so I kept up with the group and trotted to the beginning of the trail. (about 3/4 of a km run just to get to our start point) I got winded pretty quickly and it was hard to regain my flow. I spent a good portion of the way there winded, almost to the point of passing out or throwing up. But I kept it together. There was another participant with me by chance and we were on the same page. By the time we were going back down the trail I was able to find my rhythm again and jogged a good portion of that with the exception of the wet stairs and a couple walking breaks.

We made it back to the store in 40 mins which is the same time we did our 3 km run last week. So already in one week I am doing pretty good. Last week I didnt do any other running outside of the class. This week I would like to at least do 2 or 3 30 min jogs. If it has to be with the kids, so be it. The transformation so far has been amazing! I never imagined myself running as long as I have been these last few weeks. Even though I hate it while I am doing it I know that it will only get easier and I will only get better. Its worth the pain!

Late night rambles

2011-04-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my running class. I am nervous, I didnt run at all since last time. I have barely walked. I lost my mojo. Not really I just got chicken cause it was raining out. Living in vancouver you would think I would be use to that by now! I might take a walk with the little kids tomorrow to get my energy going for the day.

I noticed that I have been a lot lazier the less physical activity I do. This weekend was busy due to easter and having my friend in town from Calgary so I was pretty tired. But I noticed even this week I have been napping before bed. No power naps for me, I mean 3 hour naps or just going to be around 6 o clock and staying in bed until the next day. I didnt do that at all last week. I find I have a lot of energy in the morning so I will try and harness that and take the children with me. They could use an outlet for their morning energy as well!

I hope I dont lag too far behind tomorrow. We will see. I am excited for my 2nd class.

Mon petit shoo: by Amanda Wray: 2011 30 Fabulous Vancouver Mom blogger Nominee

2011-04-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

Mon petit shoo: by Amanda Wray: 2011 30 Fabulous Vancouver Mom blogger Nominee: "I was super happy this morning to see ME on my news feed on facebook. Only I didnt post it, Vancouvermom.com did. My blog was featured amo..."

Monday weigh in

2011-04-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to skip this one. I relapsed over the weekend. I let the holidays and birthday parties and hunger get the best of me.

I indulged in tortilla chips, 7 layer dip, some sort of Chicken Donair, McDonalds double cheeseburger (while drunk) Alcohol, easter chocolate, cupcake and peanut butter pie.

That was Saturday and sunday.

No biggie.

Its over now.

I (reluctantly) got on the scale I had lost one lbs.

226 lb -1 lb from last week -13 lbs from beginning!

4 weeks update photo

2011-04-25T22:08:00.000-07:00

If you compare where I am now to where I was, my stomach has shrunk a whole lot! Its crazy to see. I am such a visual person I need to have photo evidence of my transformation.

13 lbs lighter

COMPARE to Before, me 4 weeks ago HERE

Miles For Mental Health Run & Walk: join us to raise awareness and fight stigma!

2011-04-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Miles For Mental Health Run & Walk: join us to raise awareness and fight stigma!

I didnt have to think long and hard on this one. I saw a flier for this last night and Knew it was just for me. I have never ran 5 k but it is an organization I feel strongly for. This will be my first ever race and fund raising effort! My family is joining me too, right down to the littlest at 2 yrs old!

I set my goal at 100 $ because I have never fund raised before. I hope to reach that goal. Every little bit helps right!

Fat girl running: Week 1

2011-04-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

Today was the first class (of 12) in my trail running group. I was nervous all day. Nervous about being last. About sweating. About being fat. About being the fattest one there. About the unknown.

"Keep running keep running, dont think about the pain, ow my legs hurt, ow I have a cramp. I want to stop, why did I join this in the first place? Im so slow. I cant do this. Just keep running just keep running. I must look so stupid right now. Dont think about the people driving past. Just keep running just keep running. Make it to that sign, now make it to that tree, just a little further, just...keep....running"

I went not knowing anyone, when I walked in I scanned the room for a familiar face or just to see who was there. I wasnt the fattest person there. I was the second fattest though, big deal. I chatted with a lady who had the same fears as me. Doubtful of her stamina and abilities. We talked about our new shoes and what we do to stay active. It was time to run. The trail seems impossible, just hearing about the distance, I was scared again. We all went outside. It was freezing. We started trotting. I was ecstaticed. I am doing it, I am really doing it. Look at me, in a group of fit people running, I thought. Then we crossed the street. Feeling the burn now. slowing down, people passing me, missed the next cross light...damn Im walking now....Thats ok. Its only the first week. I picked up the pace when I could. I definitely liked the "gnarlier" trails more than the groomed flat trails. I liked running over branches and roots and rocks and through mud and jumping over stumps. It was a lot more exciting than just jogging on a trail.

I made it back to the store, my time was 39 mins. I wasnt the last to finish. I was the 6th from the last. I did it. I made it through the first class. It can only get better from here, right?

Monday

2011-04-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

My lunch. Perrier and Frozen Raspberries, Salmon salad w/ ff sour cream, dill and red onions, Carrots, cuke and mushrooms with Homemade Hummus (made with ff sour cream, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic)

I am feeling antsy. I have for a while now. Its like I am waiting for something, but there is nothing I am waiting for. I am just fidgety and anxious. I did a lot of work around the house today. Since last year my mommy productivity has been way down. Now I try and celebrate the little things. Today I changed all the kids bed linens and put away 2 clean loads of laundry, then I did 6 loads of laundry. I also swept the dining room and cleaned the table. I still feel like I am sitting in a pile of crap, but I try not to dwell on all that needs to be done.

I got an email from the run clinic I start this week. I get new shoes tomorrow. They will be specificaly fitted for my feet and how I walk. Then Wednesday is the big day. They are starting out with a 3 Km run , no biggie, just a small run. GULP. I tried to run 3Km on tuesday and although I did complete it, I didnt run the whole time, or even half the time. I am starting to get nervous. Suddenly all the "fat girl" feelings come flooding back. Running laps in gym class. Everyone is off and running I am flubbing behind gasping for air. This should be a lot different though. It is for people of all ages and ranges. Hopefully there is an elderly lady I can run behind! But this is why I am doing this, I want to get better, and this is how you get better, you learn and keep on doing it and get better.

That day I also have a 6-week group to help educate me about my mental illness. (Bi-polar) I must admit, I am still kind of new at this. I was only diagnosed in August of last year. I am excited to take a class to learn more about it and then I can manage it as best as I can.

I love bettering myself. It is always a sign that I am doing better in life. When I am depressed I go backwards, no forwards. I am pretty useless. I like long commitment type things, like my 12 week run clinic and my 6 week Bi polar group. Then I know that for the next 3 month I will have to stay accountable and I will only get better. Plus once I put my mind to something I give it my all. Like quitting smoking. I smoked for over 10 years and I quit 4 months ago, I dont flip flop on my decision, I quit and that is all there is to it. Speaking of bettering myself. I am off to my counseling appointment. She helps me a lot, just in getting through everything as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, woman, everything. I must remember to bring a snack so I dont get overly hungry, the appt is at 5 and goes until 6, I could see getting out of that appointment starving and vulnerable wanting a quick fix. Better stick a banana and some almonds in my purse! I will hopefully blow off some steam later on if I have the energy. I think I might need to force myself today.

Monday weigh in

2011-04-18T09:12:00.001-07:00

Monday April 18th 227. - 3 lbs since last week, -12 lbs all together

Before Jeans

2011-04-16T22:47:00.001-07:00

I bought these pants back before I gained all this weight. They fit, but they were a smidge too small. I then began to gain weight and never got to wear them. They are a size 16 and there is also 6 more pairs of jeans in my closet I cannot wear. I wanted to take a before so that when they slip on with ease I can look how far I have come. I wanted to share the photos so that other people out there will know it is achievable.

April 16th Size 16 jeans

Super Active Tuesday!!!

2011-04-13T00:21:00.001-07:00

Today (well technically yesterday now) I was a machine. Tuesdays are 1$ Lane swimming at my local Rec Centre so me and my good friend Jess went. I wanted to really push myself, so I walked there too! The walk/jog was 3 km then the swim was 30 laps, or just over 1 km. I am beat, I really feel it in my ass and legs, I cant wait to feel it tomorrow. I love feeling sore and knowing that my body is getting fitter.

I really pushed myself with the "jogging" Im not 100% sure I am doing it right, but I am moving faster than walking and really getting my heart rate up. I try and push myself a little further than I think I can go, just to see where my comfort zones are. I managed to walk/jog the 3 Km in 26 mins. I probably did 4-5 good bouts of jogging. I am trying to get my endurance up for the Running clinic I start in 1 week (eek!)

One month ago I was a slob, I didnt walk or do anything, now I am running further than I have ever ran before, swimming more and eating better. I just dont give myself a choice. This is a lifestyle. This is no quick fix. I am doing this for myself. It will only get easier. I push myself now, knowing how hard it is because I have so much weight, it will be easier when I am lighter, and the only way I will get there is if I push myself now. I think that is where I fail in the years past when I have lost weight. I never had a concrete workout plan. Just bouts of it. I now make it a priority. I want to remember that for those days I might not feel like doing anything. Just go, take the first step, you will be thankful you did!

I was true to my word sort of...

2011-04-12T14:23:00.001-07:00

I didnt go to the lake like I wanted. I did go, but once I got there I saw that the gates were closing in less than 10 mins. So I left there and headed over to Lynn Canyon. A wonderful park that has a suspention bridge above the creek, it also has many many wooden stairs going all the way down. I climbed over 600 of the bad boys. It was cruel and unusual punishment. I was sweatting and panting and mad at myself for doing it, but in the end I was happy I did it. I even took 5 mins to sit on a log down by the river and just think and reflect on my mood and the day. I was all alone, no kids, not husband, just me and my thoughts. I thought a lot, I walked and ran and jogged and panted. I didnt care if I looked fat or un-coordinated. I wasnt doing it for anyone else but myself.

Here are a few pictures I managed to snap as I went along my way:

The very beginning, the first tiny bit of stairs.

The view at the bottom, the very river I sat next to and relaxed by.

This picture does not give it justice, these stairs suck, big time!

More tranquil river, exactly what I needed yesterday

Me panting and huffing and puffing. I could see the steam wafting off my face I was on fire! But it felt so good and I knew I must have done something right!

Tonight I am off to Swimming. 20 laps? I hope so, thats my goal! This time with my friend Jess. Working out with a friend is rewarding and so much better than just sitting somewhere doing nothing!

What do you do when life gets your down?

2011-04-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

Well I cant binge, I dont smoke anymore, I am not big into weeknight drinking and I dont do drugs. I guess I could sit here and wallow in my own self pity or I could get off my ass and do something.

I struggle with mental illness, I have been dealing with depression for the last 7 years. I was recently diagnosed with Bi polar disorder. So when life gets me down, I never know just how down I will get. 2 weeks ago I was on top of the world. Life was good, I was happy, I was feeling like a million bucks, then a switch went off and I felt sad. There is never really any reason, or notice, it just happens. I feel it a lot today. Which is why I was trying to think of healthy ways of dealing with my emotions. Lots of health care professionals boast the benefits of exercise to deal with depression. Today I am going to put that into action.

I take my daughter to her Brownies meeting at 6 30 then usually browse around Micheals craft store for a while, but today I am going to go up to the lake and walk around, maybe try and get a little jogging in. I was hoping by blogging it and putting it out there I would be less likely to bail on myself.

Plus I could use the time to myself to think, time away from the kids to centre myself and regroup my thoughts and maybe the exercise will help boost the natural endorphins or whatever it is that starts flowing when you exercise.

Monday weigh in

2011-04-11T12:42:00.001-07:00

230 lbs Down 3 lbs, down 9 in two weeks!

running out of my comfort zone!

2011-04-06T14:42:00.001-07:00

I did something yesterday that both scares and excites me. I signed up for a 12 week program to start trail running. (website here)
I have NEVER been running before. But when I saw the ad in the paper I was sold. The price included the 12 week program, running shirt and running shoes (up to 150$ value!). Not just shoes, ones that are especially fitted for my feet.
I am scared, because I am fat and out of shape. I am excited because I am learning something new. I am scared because I am doing this all alone. I am excited because I am doing something proactive to get me closer to my goal. I am scared because everyone else probably has more experience and better fitness level than me.
I start in 2 weeks. I will "train" before then by walking some long difficult walks, hit up a few trails in my area, maybe try and job. I dont know what to expect! This is unlike anything I have ever done before, but I am so psyched! I have alwasy wanted to learn to run and now I finally will!!!!!

Fat free, low fat, light, no cal, low cal ?!?!

2011-04-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

Do you buy into diet food? I try to steer clear of alternative foods. (Other than milk products, I usually go for low fat, or Fat free as long as the sugar content isnt too high)
I would rather eat 1 teaspoon real butter than a "butter" type spread that is filled with chemicals. I am often tempted to buy the light versions of products I buy, such as cream cheese, but when you compare nutrition labels, there isnt much difference. I even stopped buying diet soda to avoid the aspartame, even though water can get oh so boring! It just seems like such a gimmick. If it was that easy to lose weight we would all be skinny!

So I ask you, do you buy those products? Do you find they work/help you? What low fat products do you buy?

my eating plan

2011-04-04T12:15:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the COW to wow weight loss plan.

Breakfast is a Soymilk shake
1 c vanilla soy
1 cup Frozen Banana and Strawberries
1 tbsn natural peanut butter

Coffee w/ homo milk

Lunch is balance of 4 food groups
cereal, with fruit and veg with nuts and seeds
Bean salad and milk
Soup and toast and veg
eggs and toast with fruit

Snack is fruit and protein or veggie and protein

Dinner is what ever I make (obviously healthy, portion control and filling)

evening snack, if yogurt, fruit or cereal

exercise is evening walks with family, day time walks with kids, one night an evening swim laps, and trying to be active how ever else I can.

Monday weigh in

2011-04-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

Start weight 239 Weigh in today 233

Weight loss -6 lbs

I know my body.

2011-04-02T08:41:00.001-07:00

I know it well. I know when I am getting sick before tests and swabs, I knew when I was pregnant before the pee test, I know when something just isn't right. Especially when it comes to weight loss I know when to eat and more importantly when not to eat. Yesterday I just didn't eat enough. I know because I was a miserable bitch. My blood sugar must have been low, I couldn't get it up. I had my normal shake for breakfast, coffee, then lunch was cereal and a banana with soy milk. Then baby carrots, and by 3 I was a wreck. I was shaking I had major anxiety, I was grumpy, I yelled, I was craving all things bad. I wanted a cigarette more than I have in the last 3 months. I wanted fatty goodness. At one point I was thinking oh hell just go through the drive through, whats the point, you aren't paying to lose weight, just sabotage yourself. I pushed passed, I bought gum. I got home, I at soup. I had a bun, I started to normalize. I took some time out to myself in my bedroom, I fell asleep, 12 hours later I woke up. Maybe I have been pushing myself a little too hard, maybe I haven't been eating enough.
This morning I skipped my normal shake, (didn't have frozen fruit) I had a Muesli style cereal with raw nuts and seeds sprinkled on top and a strawberry with soy milk. I should get the protein I need to keep me satisfied.

Like quitting smoking, I quit fatty sugary foods. I medicated myself with those harmful foods. I havent done so for almost one week, so it was bound to catch up with me. I no longer self medicate with smoking, or eating or drinking, so what do i do? Well I blew up, I lost my cool, I was a miserable bitch. When I wanted to eat or smoke, I started cleaning. I have never been one of those people, so it was different, and it is also a good habit. It burned off steam, it was activity, it was healthy and I wasn't harming myself or my family.

No one said losing weight was easy. Even after 5 great awesome days there can be a day of shit and sadness. A day you want to completely give up on yourself. A day when you think that all this pain is for nothing. But its not. It is completely worth it and if you can just push past the urges and make it to the other side you will feel so much better.

Today is a new day, I feel completely different. I feel lighter in my mind, I am thinking clearer I am so glad I didn't sabotage myself.

Super find while walking with kids

2011-04-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was sunny. Me and the two youngest took full advantage of that and went for a walk. We have lived here for 11 months now, and I have barely walked around my home. So this was the first time we took this way. We found a great park for the kids and a GOLD MINE for momma. This was some magical 'work out' park. I have never seen one like this before.

Never too early!

They were pneumatic machines that ranged in difficulty from very low to moderate.It was like an outdoor curves. I might never have to go to the gym! Plus this was only 5 mins from my house!
I will definitely be coming back here (sans children) to get the full effect, or with daddy so that I can focus on feeling the burn. Im so glad I got my fat ass out the door and went for a walk, if I didnt I might never have found this place!!!!

Like a kid in a candy store

2011-03-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

When I quit smoking, I dreampt of smoking every night. I felt awful in my dream, but I kept doing it. The eventally stopped. Last night I had a dream I was LITERALLY in a candy store. A fancy one, with RARE candy! I kept buying, but in the back of my dreaming mind, I knew I couldnt eat it. Funny how all addictions are the same (well at least the two I struggle with the most)

Yesterday my BFF Jess brought over 20 timbits (FOR THE KIDS) those are one of my weaknesses (one of many) I fed some to the kids, they tossed them all over, I cleaned the up. I didnt even lick my finger. I didnt eat a single Timbit. Now I am not one for deprivation. There is no BAD foods, but at the beginning, there certainly are triggers. And a sour cream glazed tim bit is my crack.

Side note: My go-to driving snack was 10 sourcream glazed tim bits and 1 medium Ice Cap.
Now I use to get this mid day before picking up hubby, or after getting him. This was my crack. I could feel the good times roll when I popped one of those bag Mofos in my mouth. If I knew then what I just found out I would have NEVER....I knew they were "bad" but HOLD SHIT i had no idea

10 sour cream Tim bits:
900 cals
50 g of fat
70 g of sugar (14 teaspoons)

Medium ice cap (with cream, obviously)
360 cal
15 g fat
47 g sugar ( almost 10 teaspoons)

ALL TOGETHER:
1260 cal
65 g fat
117 g sugar (24 teaspoons sugar)

I feel sick to my stomach. I cant believe I ate so recklessly. No wonder I am fat, no wonder I am addicted to sugar, no wonder I have no energy, no wonder I feel so depressed all the time.

I think I will think twice before I ever eat a timbit, or feeding them to my kids for that matter. Its just not worth it.

Day 3

2011-03-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

Its Day 3 and I am still going strong.

I am motivated and ready to go! Yesterday despite the rain, me and my youngest two went for a walk. I even challenged the boy to run with me. I made it one whole block, then huffed and puffed for another block! We walked though the forest and over to the safeway. All and all it was pretty low impact, BUT it was way more than I normally did.

I even went swimming later that night with my partner in crime, Jess. We swam laps. We ended up doing 20 laps, counting each length as one. I wasnt sure if one lap was there and back? I still need to figure that one out. But man, it sure felt good to be in the water again. Being in a bathing suit? thats didnt feel so great, BUT i dont hide, I dont wear a shirt, I dont cower in a corner, I hold my head up high and own it. This is me, Im not ashamed. We would love to make this a weekly thing, and have commited to meeting there to push each other like we couldnt do alone.

I stuck to my eating well plan. The kids dont seem to notice that much either. They do wonder where the cookies and cake is, but they have always been healthy eaters so it hasnt been a shock for them.

Other than eating well my daily goal is to get 30 mins of activity. Weather it be a walk or playing with the kids. The kids really enjoy the walk so I think I will do that again with them today.

I love the motivation I get at the beginning. I am so gung ho. I have been here before so I know what its like, but its exciting still. I am so happy to be blogging over here again. I love reading the feedback I get from people. I really feel supported and look forward to learning more from everyone!

My BEFORE (which just happens to be my NOW)

2011-03-29T10:56:00.001-07:00

Before I forget, this is me. This is me TODAY and right now. in all my glory. all my fat and rolls.
The photos were taken by my 4 year old son, No judgment there, fewf. The middle pic is great, nicely in focus. I think I will get a straight on photo retaken by my husband later for a keep sake.
But Just wanted you all to know what I look like now, far different from 2009. before I lost my job, before my dad got sick andbefore my dad died, and before I found out I was bi polar before I was perscribed lithium before I gained back the 40 lbs thanks to emotional eating. But its just a before. And so is the photo above, its just a before, it might be right now, but soon it will just be a memory.

Day 2

2011-03-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

I feel like i am detoxing. I have gone 3 days now with out high fat/high sugar/ High salt foods. I feel a lot better. I havent been too hungry. I just keep myself fed with fruits(so far eventually will add veg) and proteins, raw almonds, cheese, milk etc. I figured if I eat REAL food in PROPER portions I cant go wrong. Im shocked though that I need to go fruit and veg shopping yet again! I have gone 2 times since friday. Granted I have 3 children and a husband, but I know for sure I am eating more. Which is good! I should be! Way better than what I would have ate!

I stopped my HIGH fat 2 teaspoon brown sugar coffees. I would have at least 2 a day. (if not 3) I switched to Homo so that I still get that creamyness. But I find that I am not drinking as much coffee! I have only had one cup a day. I wonder what was more addictive? The coffee or the SUGAR!?

Today is my first attempt at physical activity. I have barely moved all winter. I am going to walk my daughters lunch to her school with my 2 youngest children. Should be about 20-30 mins round trip. It may be raining, but this is vancouver and I cant let that stop me!

It all started yesterday.

2011-03-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

I had a soymilk shake for breakfast. (soymilk, frozen banana, frozen strawberries Flax seeds)
Then I had mulitgrain cheerios and skim, then apples and cheese, then Chicken and yams and Barley, then 2 banana and a diet ginger ale. Oh yeah and my regular coffee and cream and sugar was just coffee and homo.

I figured I am going to eat when I am hungry, but with something like fruit or veg or something high in protien almonds or cheese (portion sizes of course) I kind of feel like I am detoxing. I was giving my body a constant stream of fat and sugar when ever it wanted, so when my blood sugar drops it drops drastically. the trick now is to maintain it with foods that will sustain it and maintain it. I crave lots of sweets so I am trying to trick my brain with bananas.

The first day reminded me of when I quit smoking. Out of habit I wanted to just hop up and have some ice cream or something salty and fatty, but now I just sit with those feelings. Like those of a cigarette craving. This too shall pass.

For the sake of argument, my "weigh in" day will be monday.

Today, March 28 2011 I am 5'8 27 years old and I weigh in at 239 lbs

My weight loss goals:

My goal is to weigh less.
My ultimate goal is to be my healthy weight which is 160.
Lose 10% of my weight
Fit all the size 16 Jeans in my closet
get to 200 (last lowest weight I weighed before I started gaining again)
weigh 195 a weight I havent weighed since I was 13

My exercising goals are:

to have 30 mins of activity a day
Learn to run
Run

I am doing this with out WW or curves or some fad diet. Just like I quit smoking by myself with out nicorrette or patches or puffers or hynosis. I have never really tried to do a huge weight loss on my own, I just always relied on the great ladies at WW. But I think I am really at a place in my life that I can do it on my own. I am losing weight for myself (not for WW) so I can do it by myself, for myself.

Fat attack

2011-03-27T00:02:00.001-07:00

I quit smoking on January 1st. I had my last cigarette at 11 pm and that was that. I figure if I can quit a highly addictive habit such as smoking I should be able to quit my binges. I know I am going to stat a healthy lifestyle very soon, but first I want to pig out. Kind of sick minded, I guess its like the method some people use when they quit smoking and smoke as much as they can until they get ill.
Today I had a container of Ben and Jerrys, FRIED spam, 2 pieces of bacon, Large slurpee, For dinner went to a BBQ house and went all out on brisket and ribs and sausage.
Why? you ask, because soon I wont be eating like this, and I want to get it in while I can, I dont know why. But I feel pretty disgusting so I guess its working.

I am still deciding on my weight loss plan, My Husband worries that WW is too expensive. I worry I cant do it with out. I know the literature and the rule, I should be able to do it alone. I am leaning towards, portion control, the canada food guide, blogging, and excercise. I think I have come far enough that I can do it my self. I will give myself 3 month, just to see how it goes on my own, if I am not seeing results I will try and budget in WW.

Plus I know I am not alone. I have hundreds of bloggers on myside. I want to use your support and wisdom to help me get to my goal.

Where are you in your weight loss goal, not started, started, middle, maintain, regain?? Look forward to chatting with you all!

40 lbs fatter

2011-03-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

It hit me last night that I got fat. Real fat. It has only taken me 10 months but I gained 40 lbs. I ate and indulged my every craving with out doing any sort of activity. It hit me last night because after the kids went to bed I was lying on the couch, my legs hurt. And my feet hurt. My knees killed me. I am only 27 I shouldnt be in so much pain, but it hit me that my body hurts from holding so much extra weight. My stomach has become its own creature. I dont even feel like its a part of me anymore, I feel like I did when I started this blog, like a big fat slug. So now what? My first instinct is to go to Weight watcher and start back on that track. I am a superstar at losing weight. I can lose weight like nobodies business. I am great at losing the weight. Its keeping it off for a year that I have to done. So why should I have to pay to lose weight? I knew the tools, why not do it on my own? If it were only that easy right? I dont know what route I am going to take but I am definitely at a cross roads. I am ready for a change. I have said it before, but I knew this time its for real. I can feel it.

So tell me. What made you make the decision to start your journey? What was your last straw? What route did you take?

Share now!

2011-03-15T10:53:00.002-07:00

A spoonfull of sugar

2010-11-15T09:17:00.000-08:00

as i am finding it hard to make any huge changes in my life I decided to do one or two small things at a time.

I have given up sugar in my coffees that I drink at home. Which was quite a lot. I use to take 2 tspns in my coffee and I would have 3 cups of it a day. 7 days a weeks so thats 6 tspns a day times 7 days a week and at 16 calories a teaspoon I was drinking down 672 sweet calories a week.

This is week two of non sweet coffee. I dont miss it too much. I find I dont drink as much coffee and usually just have my one cup. I still indulge in 1-3 take out coffees a week which I am sure at saturated with hundreds of delicious calories in one single cup.

I figure right now is not the time for me to be making ahuge life alteration. Most days I struggle to get out of bed. I have been pretty depressed, so each day is a rollercoaster of ups and downs emotionally which leads to eating....sigh. But if I can do one thing at a time it wont overwhelm me!

What are you doing today to get to your goal?

maintaining

2010-10-04T09:56:00.001-07:00

I havent weighed myself since the initial weigh in. I am still 225. Which is good I guess, staying the same beats going up.
I must admit though, I lost interest in Spark. I found it confusing and overwhelming. I love weight watchers so much, it works so well for me. I just wish I could afford it. Maybe if I sell a lot of hats I could afford it. or I could ask for a 6 month membership for Christmas?? Its funny because I have all the literature and know all the point business, yet its not the same as weighing in and going to the meetings! I thrive on the accountability and encouragement of WW.
I am still going to keep healthy eating in mind and watch my binging. I drink more water now and try to eat more vegetables.

What steps do you take each day to live healthier?

Day 2

2010-09-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

Im finding spark very confusing and time consuming. I havent given up though. I am sure there is a learning curve. The webpages are overwhelmingly filled with links and buttons and pictures and tabs. I think I would find it more helpful if it was plain and less stimulating.
I tracked (almost) all of my food yesterday. I came under my calorie goal. Which I know can be just as bad as over eating. But I know I didnt track a few things because I didnt know how to look them up in the data bank.

Usually in the morning I would have my coffee(s) and be fine until after lunch. I need to try and eat some breakfast every day to get in a good routine. My mood has been really down lately. All I do is sleep and sleep. This week I fell asleep at 4 30 pm, 6 pm , and 7 pm. Then I am either in bed all night until the next morning or I wake up at midnight and then I am up until obscene hours of the morning. When I am not sleeping my sadness away, I want to eat and eat. I want chocolate the most. Maybe I will give into my chocolate craving with a low fat pudding. Maybe I will make a chocolate banana smoothy for breakfast. Is that a good breakfast? I put flax in it and 1% probiotic milk and of course a frozen banana.

I hope the weekend goes smoothly. I find the weekends harder to stay on track because there is less routine and more chances of eating at a restaurant or fast food chain.
Thanks for reading and for your support.

Im a Spark people

2010-09-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

Thank you to a reader who commented yesterday. I asked if anyone knew of any free weight loss sites.Trisha From Endurance isnt only Physical replied with sparkpeople.com.

I am happy to say I have joined. I like the concept, there is a lot on information. I mean a lot. Right now I feel a little overwhelmed. I am trying to share my page on my blog and am finding that very hard. Maybe I will get it later. My user name is amandamcmom83 if anyone wants to add me.

When I uploaded some pictures to my profile and found a very interesting photo.
That is me, almost exactly one year ago. I weighed 209 lbs. Today I weigh 225. Not too far off. Its a good reminder at where I want to be, not something to get me down. Tonight I will take a new photo. Afterall, today is the first day of the rest of my life. cant dwell in the past I can only move forward.

So here's to starting a new program and getting back on track.

up up and away

2010-09-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

I have gained 25-30 lbs. I feel like it is unstoppable. I am not working out, so I know that is a big factor. I am also on a medication that has weight gain as a side effect. My Doctor did remind me that the pill has no calories so its not the pill that is causing the gain. I am sure if I ate healthy and in moderation I would not be noticing a gain. The first 10 lbs were shocking but seemed manageable, it was only 10 lbs, then BAM I was at 227 and I was shocked, it was like I blinked and gained 17 lbs. Now I feel defeated and fat. I think back over the years and I have no problems losing the weight, I lose 50 lbs no problem, but inevitably gain in back. WHY?!?!? Why is food such a trigger!? I am wanting a change now, before it gets too out of hand. 30 lbs is still manageable, there has been a huge amount of stressors in my life, I wish I knew how to deal with them without over eating.

I cant afford to join weight watchers right now. If anyone knows of an online weight loss program that is free please let me know.

Give a way from mon petit shoo

2010-09-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

Give-a-way on my other blog!

Win a free hat (up to $35 value)

Click the box to see how to get your free hat

fat fat summer

2010-08-16T10:12:00.000-07:00

I have gained almost 20 lbs AHHHHHH

i need to stop before I am right back at 250. I dont want to go back there. I cant afford WW so I will have to use all my willpower...but if I had willpower then I wouldnt be in this predicament...

Just checked my weights from last year

"August 15/09: 217.4 (-1.4 lbs) 30 lb star"

Thats where I am now....only I gained 20 lbs...fml

I think my body is trying to tell me something

2010-06-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

and it has taken me a while to listen. I have always had stomach pains after eating pork such as chops and loin, so I usually ate them knowing I was going to get sick or just didnt eat them. Now for the last two weeks it has been red meat, hot dogs, chicken sandwich meat, oranges...I have pretty much been nauseated for the last 2 weeks (NO i am not pregnant!) What I do think it is is my body telling me I am out of control. I have pretty much been eating everything and anything I have wanted to for weeks if not months. These binges have included (but are not limited to)
chocochip cookie dough and brownie chunk icecrem with cone
chips (for snack for dinner, for lunch and not the small bag the big one)
double MCD's cheese burgers
medum ice caps and 10 sour cream tim bits
butter tarts
croissant donuts
cakes and cookies
sugary pop
cream in my coffee
slurpees

I could go on and on and you know what is sick is that would have been a week....I would swing by tim hortons and get 10 bits and a medium ice cap and finish it before picking up my husband.
Its safe to say I am out of control. I havent made a healthy dinner in ages I am so far off track I think my body is screaming out to me, putting me in pain so that I can get the message.

So for that reason I am slowing down my out-of-controlness and will be taking it easy. I have borrowed my moms juicer and have been juicing at least once a day. Carrot, orange lemon my favorite drink. It will take a lot of reprogramming and discipline. (it kind of helps that the nausea is making me have no appetite)

So today marks the first day of the rest of my life. I weighed myself at my moms on Monday and I was 211. That will be my starting point.

HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Looking for advice from people out there

2010-06-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

I have noticed in the past that I get stomach cramps from certain pork. Not just a little discomfort, I mean gut wrenching, painful cramps comparable to early labour! Like pork roast, loin chop. Never ham or bacon. Lately Ham has been putting my gut through hell and most recently BEEF!
what is happening to me?! I love to eat animals, but even one hot dog gives me hours of cramps and (TMI) the whole night and part of the next morning on the toilet!

I have tried to google this and nothing comes up. I am at a loss. I am going to make an appt with my doctor regarding this, and as for now I guess just stick to chicken and fish?

I guess what I am looking for is to see if any of you our there suffer from the same thing I do? What is going on??? Will I be able to eat animals again?!?!

Ultimate sadness

2010-05-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

I am dealing with the biggest loss in my life. The Loss of my father. He passed away on May 20th at 2 am. Its still fresh and new and at times doesnt seem real. I am very aware of the feelings and sensations I am feeling. I feel the hole deep down inside that I usually want to fill with all sorts of junk, BUT I am trying to feel the feelings instead of fill them up or numb them. It hurts so much and food may feel good in that split second but it wont help for longer and it wont bring my daddy back.

I will be starting up weight watchers in a few weeks. Once the dust settles and I can get my life back in order. Not like my life gets to stop, I have 3 kids, there is never a dull moment. But I want to return to WW when I can give my all for it.

If you would like to follow me and my journey follow my "other" blog

http://monpetitshoo.blogspot.com/

I hope to see some familiar faces over there. It is where I post about my hobby crocheting, and family life as well as some weight and or food related topics.

Thank you for reading and supporting me through my weight loss journey, it sure is a journey I have a feeling I will be travelling on it the rest of my life!

HURRAY

2010-04-28T08:04:00.000-07:00

if you read my other blog from the post a couple posts ago, my dad woke up yesterday. Funnily enough I didnt binge on junk food. Thank you for all your positive energy and good thoughts, I know thats what kept him going and what helped him wake up.

stepping on the scale

2010-04-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

weighed myself at my moms yesterday fully clothed in boots weighed 207. I figure some of that is clothes. I was happy to see I wasnt in the 210's I am hoping to just hover around 200 for the next little while before rejoining weight watchers.

I wonder if I have to start all over again, I have missed 3-4 weeks???

window into my no weight loss life

2010-04-23T12:41:00.001-07:00

http://monpetitshoo.blogspot.com/2010/04/my-rada-dada.html

Coffee

2010-04-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

For too long my coffees have been a hot mug of creamy goodness and sugar. I joked that I didnt know what I was more addicted to, the coffee or the sugar and cream. ( I think it was the latter) and add up 2 or 3 of those bad boys a day wow talk about a lot of cals and fat. So yesterday I started one sugar and milk. (Today Fat free cream!) I dont need 3 teaspoons of sugar to drink a coffee, adding up to 9 teaspoons in just coffee alone!
So one small change today big difference tomorrow?

ooooops

2010-04-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

Emotional eating stops here

I gorged on ice cream tortillia chips, all you can eat fish and chips, cream and sugar coffees, TIM BITS (my crack...sour cream glaze ONLY) McDonalds bacon, and many many other things I would rather forget.

But seriously it needs to stop NOW. I am aware of the situation, more aware than I was last week.
Yesterday for lunch I shared a bag of tortillia chips with the kids. that was my last emotional binge.

Later I went for coffee, instead of a fat filled mocha and cookie I got a tea with skim. Today instead of my regular double double I got a regular (1 milk 1 sugar)
and a banana instead of the cinnamon toast crunch.

My binge-a-thon has taken its toll. I stopped weighing in my pants a little tighter, last time I weighed myself 209.

I have committed to returning to WW after I move when I can actually commit. Maybe it will be a fresh new start for everything! until then I am not on a WW vacation indulging (OVER indulging) will not happen. I will yet again be more conscience of my choices, one small choice at a time.

Because really thats all we can do, everything is a choice. I slipped (maybe even relapsed?) I felt guilty, but that is done and all I can do is go forward.

slipping...

2010-04-05T09:42:00.001-07:00

I have missed two weeks of weigh ins. I am yet again out of control. I hope to pull myself out of the downward spiral.
my emotions are just so hungry, but I dont want to feed them, but most of the time they win...

I will take a heaping scoop of sadness with a side of denile

2010-03-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

i am on a destructive path to emotion eating sabotage. At the very least I know what is going on, but its like a tsunami I cant stop it. I ate the better part of TWO bags of reeses peanut butter cups, (30 in total) my husband shook his head in dissapointment saying something to the effect of, you cant do that...well guess what I can do what ever I like, I could have eaten 15 bags if I wanted...But I dont want to I wish I never ate the 2 I almost did eat...I know exactly why I am eating like this, my dad is in Liver failure due to cirrhosis. Now they found cancer and the prognosis is not looking good, its pretty much just keep him comfortable from here on out. I dont talk about it, so I eat it all up.

HELP ME

I need tips, how do I stop the wrath of emotional eating?!?! Any tips please help me

Im on a plateau and I am finally ok with it

2010-03-11T10:59:00.000-08:00

So I have been 200 lbs since December 12 (give or take 2-4 lbs) I was getting frustrated, wondering why cant I push past this number. Then I saw my councellor. Asked her what the deal with that was!? And Now I am finally accepting of it!
As soon as I hit 200 lbs I started getting "attention" Male attention that is. From men that were not my husband. That is kind of scary for a fat girl. I am not use to that. Not use to that at all. the only man who has been openly attracted to me for the last 8 years is my darling husband! Then I lose the weight and BAM...attention. A part of me liked it, a part of me was scared, a part of me wanted to eat to feel safe and keep those oogling men at bay. Then my councellor asked what the worse thing that could happen was. And I said that i could get into a situation I didnt think I could get out of. She said maybe you havent lost the weight yet because you arent ready. And it is so true. If I lost another 25 lbs Im sure I would get even more attention. And because I havent received that kind of attention before I wouldnt know what to do with it. So I must sit at this weight to get use to it, and learn important lessons now. One of the most important being, my sexuality is my own and no one elses. Not even my husband! I am losing weight for me and not for these men. Just because someone thinks I am pretty does not mean I have to leave my husband and jeopardize my relationship. I am finally ok with being 200 and when I learn to accept this weight and the attention I will lose weight as I need to.
So for now, I will continue to make good choices, walk more and set up boundaries. This is my body and I am losing weight for myself.

stuck

2010-03-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

last weigh in I didn Lose, but I didnt gain. I maintained.
Good I guess.
Today I am going to my councellor and I am going to ask for her help, ask her why cant I break the number 200???

one two thr33

2010-03-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday

Had a bag of cheezies in the house didnt eat ONE! (or two or three or any...)
Had a 2 lt of Coca cola didnt have one sip!
didnt drive once yesterday, walked ella to and from school and walked to the grocery store

good things come in threes

2010-03-01T21:48:00.000-08:00

yesterday

went for a walk with the family
My yoga pants that were once tight are now baggy on me
I bought skim milk for myself

And the results are...

2010-02-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

I am back on track BABY!! I lost 2.4 lbs bringing my weight to 200.4 that is a whole .2 lbs lighter than I was on December 14th 2008. It took me 8 weigh in weeks to get to where I was in December. Now I am feeling fully motivated and cant wait for next week!!!
Thank you to all your support I know that having all you behind me helps me keep going!
And i even stayed for the whole meeting!!!

This week I will continue with my 3 good things and continue taking my multi vit and make good choices when I can!

The last week in retrospec

2010-02-27T07:57:00.001-08:00

So I didnt take my update photo, i didnt stay for my meeting this week, I didnt track a single bite, I ate a whopper...but I wont let all that get in my way, Life happens and if it didnt we would all be at our goals and no one would ever diet or blog or live.

Today is my weigh in, im nervous and excited. I tried this week...I really did more than any other week in the last few months. I ate salads, chose water or milk over pop and juice, I took vitamins i blogged, I made good choices all around. I should have a good weigh in. But if for some reason I dont I wont get discouraged, i wont be myself up over it, I wont eat 2 whoppers..I will just try harder this week.

Yesterday I did the following

Didnt eat past 7 pm
blogged 5 days in a row about my 3 good things
ate lots of fruit

My weigh in is at 9 and I WILL stay for my meeting. wish me luck!

3 positives in a world of negatives

2010-02-26T08:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I will acknowledge the following as positive choices I made for that day and the rest of my life.

I got Broiled Salmon (WITHOUT HOLLANDAISE) and veggies and soup at the restaurant last night instead of the Chicken strips and fries I would have gotten (and onion rings) But I chose healthier and instead it was so delicious and satisfying.
I walked ella to and from school and went for a walk after dropping her off.
I continue to focus on the positives in my day to day life and am feeling back on track and making better decisions where I can, and If for some reason I dont, I dont beat myself up I just make a better choice next time!

What are 3 positives you did yesterday/today??

Its the little things...

2010-02-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

Three good things I did yesterday

turned down a bag of twizzlers I had in my hand at blockbusters (they werent too bad on calories but I knew I would have eaten 3/4 of the LARGE bag...not so good anymore)
took my multi vitamin
Had a bowl or raisin bran for breakfast

My biggest cheer leaders

2010-02-24T11:46:00.000-08:00

With out them I wouldnt be me.
Graham, Haylia, Dominic, Ella and ME, feeling good and even skinny

3 good things I did yesterday

2010-02-24T11:04:00.000-08:00

I bought a multi Vitamin and am taking daily
I DID not get Mcdonalds last night even though my "fat" devil was telling me to just get 6 nuggets...or a cheeseburger...I told my Hubby we need to leave NOW or I will regret this
I chose a reduced fat fruit muffin instead of a chocolate dipped nutella filled waffel haha

3 good things

2010-02-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

I switched from cream to milk in my coffee
I have eaten more fruit and vegetables in the last week than the last month!
I eat breakfast (fruit and Yogurt)

hope you will all check this out

2010-02-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

something near and dear to my heart
Hats4Haiti

I am so close to my goal of 100 hats I have a limited time offer for 5 hats at 10$ all money goes to the Canadian Red Cross
Light blue hats at $10 100%wool
Message amandamcmom@hotmail.com to order

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=40989189

3 things

2010-02-21T09:58:00.000-08:00

I focus too much on what I did wrong, in many aspects of my life not just weight loss. This week I would like to reflect on 3 things I did well each day. ( this wasnt easy I got stuck on 3 for a while....)

Today I will do yesterday:

I had an apple and water as a before bed snack.
I went to my Weigh in to stay accounted
I had bean salad for dinner (canned beans, green beans, peppers, baby corn, craisins lemon oil)

One last goal!

2010-02-19T10:57:00.000-08:00

My Last goal which is very specific is to weigh 200.5 (.1 lbs under what I weighed at my lightest.)

To lose 1.7 lbs (granted I didnt gain weight last week at my weigh in I didnt go to. But I want to be back (a a little lower than) where I was on Dec 12th.

Thank you so much for the motivation Kat! You are amazing girl!
Oh and thanks Kat for the addictive new site, http://www.formspring.me/AmandaMcMom Ask me anything Cant wait!!!

More than just losing weight

2010-02-19T10:31:00.001-08:00

When I started WW I lost weight, and I lost quiet fast. hitting 5 pound stars every one to two weeks. When I hit 45 lbs it slowed down. Like I said in my last post I have been dancing around 200 for weeks. There were a lot of factors. I had surgery so I was couch ridden. Then it was Christmas so I was bombarded with sweets and treats then it was new years then then then There will always be a reason I can justify it all I like but I have fallen off the wagon (back on the wagon?? I have never gotten that analysis)

When I had my surgery before christmas I stopped going to my meeting for 4 weeks. Then I just never made time for it anymore I would run in 5 mins before closing to weigh in not catching a meeting never making time.

I stopped tracking (A LONG TIME AGO)
I stopped nursing. Nursing burns 500 cals a day with out lifting a finger, I got 12 extra points. I could pretty much eat all I wanted and still lose.
I got my period back after not having it for almost 2 years. Hello chocolate cravings and bloated feeling....
I was riding high on the compliments from friends about how "skinny" I was getting that I guess I got cocky...
I started an organization called hats4haiti keeping me couch ridden crocheting 100 hats for Haiti fund raising efforts.
I started getting A LOT of male attention. At first it was awesome, I have never got that from anyone other than my husband...but then it started to get too much, too tempting. Other men liked me, wanted to kiss me, im a married woman, (psychologically I wanted to eat more to keep men at bay...Attention from men and emotional eating go hand in hand for me something weight watchers cant help with only I can fix that with the help of my councellor...)

There are so many factors. But really when are those factors not there. Everything is a roller coaster. Life is a roller coaster of Highs and lows, weight loss is a roller coaster of highs and lows, relationships, depression, income, etc etc etc.

I am working on so much right now. My mind is full I want to work it all in. I am crocheting hats like a mad woman raising over $500 for Haiti and the Red Cross, I am taking care of my 3 children, Battling an ongoing battle with depression and anxiety, being married, moving, and somewhere down on that list weight loss? That has fallen off the list. I have come so far I am not ready to throw it all away. There was a voice in my head, that damn fat angel that said, oh just go for it gain it all back eat till you puke...but that voice doesnt run my life anymore.

The sun is shining and spring is just around the corner. Walks outside with my kids and friends will keep me motivated and smiling (benefiting both my weight loss and my emotions)
I am going to set goals and actually meet them.

I thought I had gained so much weight because I feel like shit...but I didnt today I was 200 lbs on my scale...I feel like I gained weight because my brain was telling me I was fat. I need to get a hold of these self-sabotaging thoughts of mine.

My weight loss goals 2010: February 19th 2010

Blog daily. To stay accounted on my feelings and accomplishments.
Go back to my 9 am meetings on Saturday for WW and actually stay for the meeting.
Get out for a walk at least once a week Thursdays 12 30 to 3
Make better choices (stick a piece of fruit in my bag to stop myself from grabbing something cheap and fatty to eat when hungry. water over juice )
Take a progress photo this week.

I dont think those goals are too hard to live by. I wanted to say Track everything but I know that wont happen, I will work towards it but not right now.

Do you set goals? Do they keep you accounted or make you feel worse?

try being specific when setting goals and be realistic!

The dance continues.

2010-02-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

I got to 200.6 on Dec 12 2009 There I was staring 199 in the face, so close I could taste it. Then I had surgery. Then I was bed ridden for 10 days, then it was christmas, then then then....

I weighed in on Jan 2nd at 205.4...Miner stumble I thought, kind of to be expected...then the next week, I lost 2.6 then I was at 202.8 nice lost after a big gain!

Then on Jan 16th I gained a puny .2 not even worth mentioning!

then on Jan 23rd I had another good loss, 1.8 lbs. I am at 201.2 almost back to where I started...

january 30th Oh and look at that, another gain, 1.4 up...didnt really do anything different that week, but I didnt really do anything to help myself either, I feel myself slipping and need to do something about it. I make some better choices this week, go for a deep water running class, go on a two hour walk, can barely walk the next day, drink more water ect. try and stop my self sabotaging.

Finally here we are, last weigh in, I did some exercising I ate well and I LOST .4. A loss is a good thing, I am not poo pooing the amount. I just laugh at the thought of this silly dance I am doing, up 2 down 1 down 2 up 3 History repeats itself. I dont want to fail this time, I want to push past my struggle with the magic number. I cant push past 200! I need help!

I need all the help I can get. I want a better for myself. I love myself inside and out, I am learning so much about myself, about my old habits and paths. I am ready to rid myself of this security blanket. I am not a child anymore, I dont need to be afraid and cover myself in this fat.

Do you have a magic number you dance around? Did you push past your magic number? what helped you go past it?

Serious question...

2010-01-16T08:40:00.000-08:00

Does having a shower before weigh in make you heavier than u really are?

Last weigh in

2010-01-11T15:47:00.000-08:00

So after my almost 5 pound gain over December I was ready to get back into normal life. I didn't change much. I just didn't eat as much as I was over the holidays. I lost 2.8 lbs a motivational loss. Having a loss like that made me excited to get back to where I was so I can continue my journey to onederland. Not too far away now. I think about that before each "naughty bite" I don't deprive myself of anything but if I feel like I am mindlessly eating or am no longer in control I think of my ultimate goal and most of the time that is enough to snap me back into reality.

I'm off to make dinner. My two youngest are napping and my 6 yr old is happily playing alone. A rare quiet moment in my busy busy mommy life.

The holidays (and surgery ) got the best if me

2010-01-07T09:45:00.000-08:00

I said I was going to try and not gain weight in the month of December. I gained 4.8 lbs. Lots of people said that's not too bad and it's not too bad. Concidering the indulges I took. But I won't let it get me down. I will move forward. Having life go back to normal helps a lot. Walking Ella to school is a start, not having dips and baking in the house helps and just generally being out of the holidays means a lot less temptations.
I knew I gained because that almost 5 pound gain felt like 20 lbs. I remember at my heaviest I would go up and down 5-10 lbs like it was nothing. Now I am so much more aware. My pants were a little tighter my face felt a little puffier and I just have this sluggish feeling. But I feel I am back on track. Making as many good choices I can a day.

New year expectations

2010-01-02T12:08:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. I hope Christmas was great for everyone. It was great for us the kids had a blast. I have recover from my surgery nicely. My holiday season didn't revolve around food but I did indulge. I still don't have access to Internet on my home pc so I am typing on my iPod! It's kind of hard but I did want to check in.( so please pardon typos or spelling)

I feel like I have fallen off the wagon I have t weighed in since dec 12. I know I havegained. Not that much (I hope) but I can feel it. It's funny hownow 5 lbs feels like 20 lbs but when I was at my heaviest I would fluctuate 5-10 lbs with out even noticing it! I guesss things were a little out of sorts with the surgery and me being bedridden for a week no movement me not cooking dinners came out of freezer or cans. Then Christmas goodies like butter tarts and of course the Christmas cheer alcohol. Anyways that's all behind me now. Today is a new day. I know I said I wanted to avoid gaining this season but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I didn't give myself permission to gain either which I think can be just as good. Years past I gave myself a 10 lb "allowance" to gain what a stupid idea it takes 1 week to put on and 2 months to lose.

As for today I am off to weigh in face the scale own up start new not looking forward to the massive lines of all the new yrs resolution people thankfully my goal is not a fad or a resolution I willforget in 2 weeks mine is a life hange that will be with me my entire life.

I will update with my results later

how did you do over December? Did you gain/ lose if so how much?? Howdo you pick up thepieces after a holiday gain?

On hiatus

2009-12-19T06:03:00.000-08:00

I had surgery on Thursday. I didn't think I would be in as much pain as I am in. I doubt I will be able to weigh on this week. Last week I was 201 lbs. So close! But now that I am couch ridden I think I might have gone up. That and the only thing I want is chocolate. I'm sure it will all balance out once I am back on my feet. It kind of pit a damper on my Christmas though!
Hope your Christmas is going well and you aren't too stressed. This is suppose to be the mist wonderful time of the year afterall!!!

Weigh in week 25

2009-12-12T08:53:00.000-08:00

Where does the week go!? I never posted my weigh in from last week! Christmas with 3 little kids is busy busy busy!

Anyhoo, I weighed in at 201 and I lost 2 lbs! my grand total is 47.2 lbs lost! Im so close to wonderland now. I am wondering if I will get there today, wondering if my morning coffee will push me over 199...I weigh in at 9 am and that is 5 mins away. But at least I have until 10. My youngest little girl was wide awake at 5 30 this am..I'm not much of a morning person. But I will survive.

Im in a little bit of a pickle for the next 2 weigh ins after today. the next one I will be recovering from surgery, the one after that is boxing day..Im going to have to fit WW in my life somehow.

my kids are fighting I better break it up...see you after the next weigh in

weigh in week 24

2009-12-03T09:37:00.000-08:00

I lost 1.8 lbs bringing my weight to an all time low of 203 and my total pounds lost 45.2!

I got my 5 lb sticker and reached a new milestone! next milestone, ONEDERLAND. Some mornings when I weigh myself first thing, the scale is under 200 lbs and I get this warm fuzzy feeling. I know its not a true representation, but it feels so nice to see that, even if its an illusion.

So far no Christmas temptations have challenged my weight loss efforts. No parties or dinners quiet yet.

I hope you have a nice day, its so sunny and crisp here in Vancouver a nice change from the month of dark and rain we just had!

My first Award and paying it forward

2009-11-27T10:48:00.000-08:00

Ok I am going to try my hardest to pass this on. I was thrilled to have received an award from Natasha over at "Girl stuck in a Rut"

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:

Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five (5) most deserving bloggers.

Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award.

Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to scholastic-scribe, which explains the award.

Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.

Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

I read blogs when ever I can, I might not always say anything but I am there creeping in on your weigh loss progress and challenges. I learn a lot from my fellow losers. IN NO PARTICULAR order

1.ERIN: Glam, GLITZ & GUT I like her writing style and check in often.

2.KAT! Shes pretty awesome, we started out pretty close in weights, she is very active and it shows. I love her comments and her her posts, I always check in on her successes
secrets to losing

3. AMY: Amy's quest to skinny, losing nearly 100 lbs, she is a major inspiration she has a huge following and if you check out her blog you will see why!

4.Secret mom Thoughts: She is an avid follower of my blog thanks for your ongoing support!

5. Tiffany: From 12 to 6 I have been following her blog probably since I started blogging! Shes on a mission to "rock the dress" but I think she looks skinny as is now! But she is determined!

Those are just 5 of my favs, Thank you to each and everyone who has checked out my blog Its nice to know I am not just talking to myself. Which I do occasionally!

Oh yeah and with 3 kids, Since I started writing this post 40 mins have passed, I have put the baby down for a nap, vacuumed up cheese, ate a slice of apple, filled up a water bottle for my son, broke up a fight between my son and daughter, and managed to write this blog in appreciation to you guys! Ahh the joys of mother hood!

weigh in week 22

2009-11-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

Better late then never...I lost 1.2 lbs! I am happy with that. I feel like I am chipping away at it. getting closer and closer every week. Tomorrow is my next weigh in. Last week we talked about strategies for dealing with christmas parties and the abundance of food. I learned some good tips such as, Not going to a party hungry, not standing by the food table, enjoying the company rather than the food. Those are all things that I will use to help me not gain over this next month. And of course, my favorite saying, if its not the best thing you have ever tasted, stop eating it!

It's beginning to taste a lot like Christmas

2009-11-19T14:08:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else nervous about the upcoming holiday season?

I tend to pack on about 10 lbs this time of year. Indulging on, chocolates, cookies, party food, egg nog, etc etc etc! (never mind the holiday drinking ahh) I dont want to do that this year. I will indulge, but I wont go over board. I said that I wouldnt gain with thanksgiving and Halloween and I didnt!

So I challenge you all to join me and not gain through December. (Or at the very least, Be the same weight or lower by your first weigh in in January.

anyone with me??

Its always easier with support!

Month five: Photos

2009-11-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

Here I am 42 lbs lighter! I added one from my beginning photo to show the transformation side by side

Weigh in: Week 22

2009-11-16T22:25:00.000-08:00

I lost 1.6 lbs!!!

I weight 206 Lbs

I have lost a grand total of 42.2 lbs!

This is the lowest I have weighed in yet! I have lost all the 4 lbs I gained 2 weeks ago.

Im on my way to ONEderland folks!

I finally took my month 5 shots.

I will post those next

weigh in week 21

2009-11-13T09:12:00.000-08:00

I guess a bulk of last week was water weight. I weighed in at 207.6 losing 3.2 lbs bringing my grand total to 40.6 lbs lost. It was good to see a number like 3 after gaining 4 the week before. This week however I have lacked motivation and drive for anything. I talk about it in my other blog, but I am living with Post Partum Depression. In a way it is a good thing I am on weight watchers because if I wasnt I would be eating my sadness away. So WW holds me accountable and gives me something to shift my focus, but on the other hand some days I dont feel like doing much of anything. Like this week, I didnt go to the gym. I had a few too many indulgences. But I hope it doesnt effect the scales tomorrow. I have to take my 5 month photos soon, I will do that tomorrow. I hope I get some motivation soon, I am feeling sluggish and sloth like. Funny how that always seems to happen around this weight. This is my trigger weight. 200 to 210 for some reason I use to float around this weigh gaining and losing but never getting lower that 199. This time I want to break through it. I am so close. This time will be different. Even just typing that gave me a rush of motivation. I am only 7 lbs away from 200. and 8 lbs away from ONEderland. I want it so bad. More than I want cookies, and cake and chips and McDonalds. I hope to get past this number. I hope with the support of those around me I can do it.

Do you have a trigger weight? A number you cant seem to push past? or a weight you kind of hover around?? How did you overcome it? Please help!

Back on 'track'

2009-11-02T09:26:00.001-08:00

I think I should start tracking again, that 4 lb gain scared me. I dont know if it was all water because I didnt weigh in the week before! I tracked points for the first 12 weeks pretty consistently, then I just started winging it. Now I dont track at all. Although I keep a mental track. People always say, "how many points are that??" or "not tracking today" when I indulge a little...first of all its none of their businesses, but im losing so really what does it matter... But I think this week I might track. I have already had 3 cups of coffee this morning. 3 teaspoons of sugar and 3 splashes of Fat free creamer. I will call that 6 points. I havent planned my meals so I will just be winging it for the next few days. I will measure and weigh what I eat and hopefully it will show on the scales on Saturday. No more munching on Halloween candy, I will make my hubby take it to work with him, out of sight out of mind. i will try and walk as much as I can this week, which can be hard in North Vancouver due to rain. I wont melt so I will have to just get out there! I have come so far, I dont want to throw it all away because of one silly gain. I can do it!

weigh in week 20

2009-11-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

I gained, and what a gain! 4 lbs. I am glad that I weighed in. As I said in my previous post I had chinese for dinner, so I am hoping a lot of that was water weight. And on top of the chinese food I drank the night before. So Next week will be a better reflection of how I did. I think this week I will take it easy (on junk! hard considering it was Halloween!) but I am going to try and do a few more walks and activities this week and eat lots of veggies and drink all my water. Next week I will know if it was water or if I have gained. Im glad I did weigh in, because it holds me accountable and shows me what eating certain foods can do. I was pretty close to not even going, but I know now and all I can do is learn from that and move on. Today is a new week! Happy November!

Hope you had a great halloween, I need to remember to hide that candy or else it might just be too tempting!

I had chinese food last night

2009-10-31T09:08:00.000-07:00

now I dont usually indulge in what can usually be a 50 point meal. Full of fatty fried High salt foods but I was at my parents and who am I to say no. I also usually steer clear of high salt foods the day before weigh in. So I am sure I will be retaining huge amounts of water today. I almost dont want to weigh in. cause I dont know what is water weight, and if I actually gained. Nevertheless I will weigh in to stay accountable and learn from this and work harder this week. My goal for this week is to not gain over halloween, I already did it over thanksgiving, im ready to take on Halloween, which is hard, because I am a self professed chocoholic!
Off I go to face the scale...

I cheated

2009-10-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

I couldnt help it, I bought some clothes. One pair of Jeans (size 16!) some shirts and some skirts. I could actually put on a size 14 jeans they were extremely tight, but I could do them up! Have never been able to do that before. Oh yeah and a new bra I was wearing a bra 3 THREE sizes too big for me! I really needed some clothes that weren't 3 sizes too big and weren't falling off me. I didnt buy too many pants as the 16 were almost too big. Its nice to wear well fitted clothes and I feel spectacular!

Tomorrow is weigh in, I am thinking thin thoughts. Hoping for a little loss after not weighing in last week...its always a little scary after missing a week!

Weigh in: N/A

2009-10-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

i didnt weigh in this week. I had family in from Toronto, I was hoping to weigh in the morning before but never got around to it. I felt like I had an OK week but "allowed" myself to Splurge a little too much, Chicken strips 2 days in a row, 4 pieces of pizza, Whip cream on coffee. Maybe it was a good thing I didnt weigh in. That was BEFORE my guests arrived. I didnt let myself go over board while they were here. We enjoyed each others company with out eating. We drank a little but nothing excessive. I dont think the scale will be off. And if I have a "good" week this week I am sure I will be where I was at before or maybe even a little under.

I have been itching to go for my shopping spree. I think by making it my goal prize I will be more motivated, plus I will have more $$ to make it even more special. I am only 6 lbs away but I just cant wait. I even wrote a list.
I need:
2 Jeans
1 Yoga Pants
3 T shirt
2 Long sleeve
1 new bra
5 new panties
Skirt

Im close, im so close, I will get there soon! I hope to hit the gym this week as it is POURING rain (welcome to Vancouver) But I consider every opportunity a work out opportunity. I was cleaning the bathroom and I was sweating up a storm. I moved my bedroom and I was sweating. I went to Playland (carnival) and I was running around on rides and laughing and having a ball. I woke up the next morning in so much pain like I had done a work out class my abs hurt, from the laughing. I consider that a work out. I figure every little bit helps! You dont have to go to an organized class to burn the cals. Specially when you have kids lol, they keep you on your toes. Speaking of which I need to get my children ready and Ella off to school. The fun never stops around here!

Weigh in: Week 19

2009-10-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

I lost 1.8 lbs this week!!! My loss to date is 41.4 and my current weight is 206.8.

I am 6 lbs away from my treat to self of a mini spree. I worked hard this week at the gym and choosing good over evil. But still allowed myself so goodness, like pumpkin pie and ice cream. Just goes to show that you can lose weight during the holidays.

I went out on friday night with some friends and I was shocked my the compliments, everyone was amazed at my loss thus far. It was so nice to hear. I felt good and I looked good.
Yet when I look at myself I see the same old me. I am still be just smaller, but I still feel like that fat girl. I wonder how long I will feel like that? Forever?? I hope not, I try and notice things, like how I can walk up stairs without being winded and how even yoga pants are loose on me now. I just keep looking at before and after pics to help it sink in.

This was me in June and this weekend. I felt awesome in that shirt. I went to a dance club and danced my ass off (exercise yay!)

Have a great week

Thanks for reading and your support. I owe some of my success to my followers. Even if you never say a word to me, I know I have the support of amazing woman behind me and that gives me the strength to succeed!

I love my leader!

2009-10-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

When I first joined weight watchers, this time around, I walked in excited ready to lose the weight. I looked at the leader as I lined up to weigh in. Blonde and skinny...My first thought was oh here we go again, another leader whos ultimate goal was to lose 30 lbs (big whoop!) (which might I add I have had 2 leaders before who had only lost 30 lbs, which is fine if thats all you have to lose, but I am going for the big loss here, its hard to identify with someone who thought they were over weight at 160!) So I weighed in as she introduced herself, My name is so and so and I am a life time member I lost 130 lbs with weight watcher...She lost HOW much, I said to the nice lady weighing me in, 130 she replied. HOLY shit! I thought, and probably said too! NOW that is an accomplishment. She is tiny. She has been there, she was huge and lost the weight and is now inspiring me and countless others to know that their goals ARE achievable!

My ultimate goal is still to be decided I would like to get in my range, one of my goals is to be a leader. I would love to stand up there and show my "before" picture each and every week to a room of Weight watchers and show them it is possible. If I can do it you can too! I love the program and honestly believe it is the best weight loss program out there. I hope to one day be standing up there that is my goal. I will be a leader.

Fat Devil vs. Skinny Angel

2009-10-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

So I have talked before about this voice in my head, this tiny voice "just eat those chips" "stop working out" "buy a donut" this voice of doubt and sabotage! I have now started calling it the fat lazy devil on my shoulder. She is fighting with the skinny fit angel on my other shoulder. She says, "YOU dont NEED those chips", "Keep working out", and "whats more important the Donut or your ultimate goal??" Every time I dont give into the fat devil the voice gets smaller and smaller. I owe my success to not giving into that voice! Its all about making choices.

Yesterday I was going through the Tim Hortons Drive through. I was getting myself a small Ice cap made with milk, for a 4 pm pick me up, ( 3 points) and the kids 2 tim bits each.

As I approached the entrance I thought, MMMMmm tim bits.
I will get me 2 of those. So 6 tim bits, why get 6 when I can get 10, probably cheaper anyways...(thats the fat devil talking)
Wait! NO! I thought, I dont need tim bits at 2 or 3 points EACH...
Oooh come on, just get 2 for yourself...
NOOOOo I dont want any, I am getting an ice cap, Just get the 4 for the kids and let it be.

So I bought the 4 and the ice cap for myself.

Then the voice talked again, Just eat one of those, Dominic doesn't need two...No I am not eating one of my sons Tim bits...Maybe just a bite...Fine a bite will do, I had a bite. I figure if I don't compromise then I am more likely to over do it later on. And surprisingly the one bite satisfied the devil and I didnt feel guilty (except when dominic asked, wheres the rest of my tim bit! lol)

Everyday I fight with those urges and I try my best to over come them. Like I have said before I still enjoy the good things in life, Ice cream, chocolates, Ice caps, Just not every day or a whole carton of ice cream or a family size bar of chocolate. I take as much as I need to feel satisfied. I hate when people think of diets as denying themselves what they want. There is room in every healthy lifestyle for the sweets, as long as you are making good choices most of the time.

Tomorrow I weigh in ( another motivation to keep going!) I cant wait to see the results on the scale. I am so much closer to One-derland I can taste it! And surprisingly it doesnt taste like chocolate!

Weigh in: Week 18

2009-10-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

I lost 2 lbs, My weight loss to date is 39.6 and my weight is 208.6(? I cant find my book right now)
I was so close to my 40 lbs! I was tempted to go pee or undress right there to make my 40 lbs. But I thought It will give me all the more motivation to work harder this week!
So I made good choices. We went out for dinner both nights for thanksgiving. Saving the hours of cooking and cleaning and PILES of leftovers. I enjoyed a dessert (or two or three) over the weekend. But made up for it, by working out of Wednesday and going light on dinner and heavy on veggies. Last night I had pasta and added Cauliflower to the pasta water and my 1 cup of pasta looked like 2 cups, filling and visually appealing! I topped it with a chicken breast and gave the ground beef and sauce and cheese to the family. It didnt take any more time to make my alternative dinner than it did to make the meal for the rest of the family. I worked out hard at the gym, got really sweaty and kept thinking about my goal to keep me going. Now before putting each naughty morsel in my mouth I think about my ultimate goal and think twice about sabotage. Like yesterday, Dom (my two year old) didn't finish his hot dogs, I looked at them and automatically though, I am going to eat those. Then I stopped and said whats more important, hot dogs or my ultimate goal of being fit, and thin and happier and healthier?? So I quickly through the dogs in the trash, Thats one step I wont go, I will not eat out of the trash (thank god!)

I am very close to my "mini spree" which I am treating myself to when I get to "one-derland" 199 or less. I am very tempted (VERYYY) to start shopping now, maybe just one piece, maybe just one pair of pants, just one shirt. But no, I must resist. Saving all shopping until I get to 199 or less will make it all the more sweeter when I get there, and Keep me motivated.

Every night I imagine myself getting thinner. I start with trying on a size 16, I see the label, try the pants on having no trouble zipping them up, then I go down to a 14, then 12, then 10 then 8. I am going into uncharted territory for me, I have never been under a 16 in my whole adult life, so I am going to have to imagine it to get there. If you believe you shall receive!

I hope my hard work pays off this week. ( I have been guilty of not tracking, Bad Manda!) If I start to slip I know I can start tracking more and get back on track. Right now I am just eating healthy and not depriving myself or sabotaging myself. I keep drinking my water and eating filling foods to keep me satisfied. I cant wait to weigh in, 40 Lbs is quite an achievement, I will be there soon!

Work that body

2009-10-08T13:47:00.000-07:00

This week my husband and I did something we have never done before, We got very sweaty, we were breathing deeply, it was quiet and the lights were low. He was nervous to try it out, wondering were the other men were as there were mostly woman there. The music was relaxing we felt energized and well rested at the end, he wants to do it again! It was YOGA! I have been trying to get him to do it for ages, and he finally gave in! It was so enjoyable. It was quiet and relaxing yet challenging and a great work out. He enjoyed it so much he is willing to do it again!

The next day I was so energized from the yoga that I happily went to the gym the next day and WORKED it! I did 30 mins on the treadmill (2 of which were running! Small step but big for me!) 20 mins on the eliptical and really pushed myself then 10 mins on something called the arc trainer. I was dripping sweat. But enjoyed myself a lot. 1 hour away from kids taking care of myself and working my body. I am even craving going today, I think I might squeeze in 30 mins before grocery shopping. I never thought I would enjoy working out like I do, granted it was only 2 days worth, but its a step in the right direction.

I feel energized and alive. Losing weight has given me the energy I need to work out a little more each day. If you havent been for a while just get yourself there, how ever you get there, Go for a walk, do an areobics class, try something new.

''Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.''

Help my parents get their dream bathroom

2009-10-07T19:39:00.001-07:00

after 3 years of renovation hell my mom is at her wits end. My dad is not redoing the bathroom and my mom is left with a hodgepodge not even close to done bathroom...My mom herself has just beat breast cancer and deserves a great bathroom!

So I am looking to the blogging world to help vote for her bathroom to be renovated through home depot.

The voting process is really easy, no registering, just add your email and vote.

http://www.homedepot.ca/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/DisplayTemplate?storeId=10051&catalogId=10051&langId=-15&display=storycontest&featurestory=72

I hope that you can take the 10 seconds it takes to vote and vote for these two to have the bathroom they deserve. And if you would post this or link the blog page on your site once I would ever so thankful!!!!

http://fromcowtowow.blogspot.com/2009/10/help-my-parents-get-their-dream.html

Milestone!

2009-10-07T11:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I bought new pants and I fit a size LARGE! Not an XL or and XXL a plain old large, I was giddy! (they were yoga pants for my yoga class!) 10 more lbs and I can do my mini spree to get all new clothes! But wow a LARGE it has been so long since I have ever bought and or fit into a large!

Weigh in: Week 17

2009-10-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

How was my week she asked, good I replied, oh...she paused, you gained a pound...Bringing my weight to 210.6 and my total loss 37.6. I wasnt disappointed, I wasnt shocked, I think gaining keeps me humble. I cant lose every week so I just have to keep better track this week.

I dragged my husband to a yoga class this week! He actually enjoyed himself, his first class EVER! I had a great time too. I was sweating and panting up a storm! I missed the gentle stretching and deep breathing yoga brings. But going to the class has motivated me to do another work out today, I am heading to the gym to maybe do some work on an eliptical trainer or just walk on the treadmill.

I have another reason to get to my goal, I am going to be a brides maid! My first time! the dress is of course strapless the wedding is June 2010 8 months, Im not setting any specific goals but I want to be fitter and slimmer. kind of gives me more motivation to work out or turn down that cookie or chocolate...

Have a wonderful week! Keep up the good work everyone!

Sneaking in exercise

2009-10-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

As a busy mom of 3 kids under the age of 6 I must admit that exercising is not my top prioity. Most days I am lucky if I can get a shower or brush my teeth. So I have to be creative or do what I can. On nice days I take a walk, but if my day just doesnt have an extra hour to take that nice walk, I sneak exercise in when I can. Like today for example, I arrived at my daughters school early, 15 mins early. I could have stood there waiting for her for those 15 mins, but I decided to walk. So I walked with the babies in there stroller and walked around the school and feild. It took me 15 mins. Time I could have spent standing there, was used constructivly. Some days, when Dominic wants to walk, I stick Haylia (6 months old) in the baby carrier and walk to pick ella up. And if I am feeling ambitious I will take the long way home. When I dont have the stroller I always take the stairs, and if I am on an elevator I walk up them, and If I walk down stairs I see how fast I can do it!
I might not have the time for a regular work out right now, but I find the time when I can and in my own way. I can feel the difference the other day I felt like sprinting so I had a race with the kids to a tree a little ways away and back. And I was shocked when I wasnt winded! Its so refresing to be able to run with my kids now and play and not be that fat mom who cant join in the fun!

What small steps have you done today (or this week) to fitting exercise in your life???

Fall

2009-09-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

Boy do I ever love fall! I love the crisp air, the scarves, the leaves, thanksgiving, halloween. The last two make me nervous though. Chocolate for halloween ahhh! With 3 small children our house will be PACKED with treats and goodies. I usaly go free for all with the sweets. And thanksgiving, we go all out, big turkey 2 kinds of stuffing, gravey, mashed potatoes, mmmmm I cant wait. I had the Tv on this morning and heard Valerie Betenelli talking about thanksgiving saying EVERYONE gains weight this time of year. I have statements like that, No everyone does not gain weight. We dont have to gain weight. Its statements like that one that allow ourselves not to feel guilty about gaining weight this time of year. We say to ourselve, well everyone else is so we might as well. After hearing that commercial, I vowed that I would not be like EVERYONE and I will not gain weight this time of year. I usually "allow" myself to put on 5 to 10 lbs between now and new years. And now that I think of that, its ridiculous! It takes weeks to take off 5 to 10 lbs but only a couple indulgent nights to pack it on. So this year I am not allowing myself to gain the weight. That being said, I will also not beat myself up if it happens. I will enjoy the time spent with my family and friends, I will treat myself when needed and I will stay active in the crisp fall air in my new coat and new scarves!
My new thing is if this isnt the best thing I have ever put in my mouth I will stop eating it. When it comes to indulgences. Like yesterday, my son had a cream puff and I scooped some whipped cream off the top, then I took some more, I thought, boy this doesnt taste very good, infact I dont like this at all, but I had another scoop anyways. Then I thought, if this isnt good then why am I eating it?? Why indeed? Because it was there? Because whipped cream is suppose taste good? Because old habits die hard? I stopped right there. I let my son eat it, and he had a few bites and was done too, then I threw it in the garbage so I knew the temptation would be gone for good.
Why not try that?

If its not the best thing you have ever eaten, stop eating it!

And just because its Fall, it doesnt mean that everyone gains weight. We have worked so hard to get where we are, we know that every month there is a new reason to indulge. Lets just take the next few months in moderation and not allow ourselves to go overboard !

Month four: Photos

2009-09-26T19:42:00.001-07:00

MONTH 4 OK I can see it now, I am working on a side by side with the before and today to show myself just how much progress I have made!

Weigh in: Week 16 STAY AND SUCCEED!

2009-09-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

Today I received my Stay and Succeed reward. I put my rewards on my 10% key chain so I can see my progress (because I dont always see it on my body!) I lost another 2 lbs I know weigh 209! I noticed a comment from a new reader who mentioned that I must be getting a lot of finger wagging for losing at such a fast rate. They dont seemed concered yet, they ask almost every week are you eating? Are you hungry? I am eating and I am not hungry. I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. I even eat McDonalds and have frappucinos (sometimes with whip) I guess I have a lot to lose so its coming off faster and I am sure nursing is helping me burn calories each day.
I am shocking myself with the progress I am making, but it just goes to show, it is possible and if you want something enough it is possible!

Weigh in: Week 15

2009-09-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

I dont have my weigh in book on me but I lost 1.6 lbs or something last week. I was at 211 or something like that...Life has been a little crazy as per usual. Ella starting grade 1, Dominic in preschool, Dominic throwing up, baby being a baby. I havent gone to my meetings in a couple weeks and I know that is a slippery slope to fall down. I dont want to lose my momentum I have a drs apointment during tomorrows meeting so I wont beable to stay for that one either. I am losing the weight so I guess thats all that matters, but I do enjoy the meetings a lot. I like the mutual support, I like the time to myself, I like the tips and advice. I think after this week I will commit to going to my meetings as regularly as possible.
This week I stayed active and did a couple good walks. I ate lots of veggies this week and drank lots of water.
I went shopping yesterday. I was kind of rusty. I didnt know if I was Plus size or reular size I looked through the plus sizes but didnt want to buy anything I wouldnt be wearing for long. then I went to normal sizes and managed to fit an xl in a Jacket, (ok ok, it was a little small) but it gives me something to work towards) I only bought the jacket. I can put up with my saggy baggy clothes a little longer. I think I will, however, treat myself when I get under 200 to a mini-spee! What a nice treat to myself and something to keep me going. (and keep me under 200)
I will be seeing a therapist soon, for other issues in my life, but I want to bring up my weight issues with her now that I am getting closer and closer to ONE-derland. That seems to be my magic number, the weight I never get lower than. The weight where it all stops. This time I am in it to win it and I want to go lower than I have ever gone before. I know I cant just do it on my own and my relationship with food goes deeper than weight watcher can ever help with. I think when I can work out some deep rooted issues I can begin to shed the excess weight I have been holding on it for the last 12 years. I remember being 14 when I first hit 200 lbs. Right now I am only 10 lbs heavier than that. I hope that I can help you get help that you need, maybe you dont know why you sabatoge yourself, or why you have always been fat, or why you eat when you arent hungry. Dont be ashamed. Its not just your fault. Sometimes we need to get outside help to deal with these tough issues.
I cant believe that in 4 short months I have lost this much weight. I guess this weekend I better do a photo shoot to show my progress. I am definitly feeling it now and when I catch a glimps of myself in a window or mirror I am still shocked, I still feel the same inside but I can see the difference.

Have a great day.

Boda

2009-09-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

I received an email from a blog follower asking to check out her blog. I enjoy the BLOG because it promotes eating naturally and has some interesting facts and fun reads. ( I don't agree with any sort of pills or herbal supplements promoted by the site, but I do like the blog) I founds some useful ideas and recipes on this site. I thought I would pass it on for my followers:

http://www.bodaweightloss.com/blog/